


No, You Hang Up!

by InsanelyWriteful



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom
Genre: #EatTheRare, Annoyed Will, Fluff, M/M, Poor Will, Will and Aiden are brothers, cursing, innuendos, lovey dovey Aiden and Nigel, siblings induce murderous thoughts, sickeningly sweet relationship, slight sexual banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 21:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanelyWriteful/pseuds/InsanelyWriteful
Summary: Will loves his brother. Truly, honestly, he does. But watching Aiden and his boyfriend, Nigel, act like lovesick teenagers is seriously making him contemplate murder.





	No, You Hang Up!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for stopping by to read my story~ So, this funny bit of fluff hit me out of nowhere whilst I was trying to finish up OTHER projects for #EatTheRare. I often imagine Nigel and Aiden getting along super well and having that kind of "love at first sight" sort of moment with one another. What with Nigel being romantic and Aiden being whimsical and artistic. Their interactions usually end up quite fluffy(despite innuendos and vulgarity) and loving to the point of making my teeth ache. XD So, I decided to poke fun at that and amp it up with this story. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“Nigel, I have to go. Yes, really!” Aiden laughed, curling around his phone. “No, I mean it this time~ You’re not going to get me with that again,” he gave an indulgent head shake, twisting in his chair. “I’ll call you later tonight. Promise! Hmm? Well, you won’t get to if I call you before you get the chance! I can dial faster than you~”

 

Will groaned from his place on the couch. Aiden had been on the phone like that for hours. At least one hour already devoted to trying to hang up. It was _beyond_ frustrating.

 

Deciding to let his brother be his roommate while Aiden was starting college and he was finishing his last year hadn’t been bad. Their schools were close together. It saved on rent and gas. He’d been around Aiden all his life, so Aiden was usually pretty good about giving Will space and being mindful of the energy he gave off. Despite Aiden’s more . . . peppy nature, he was good at being quiet. They could keep to themselves and interact just fine. Even better in that whenever Will was in a crabby mood, Aiden just let the insults bounce off him or ignored him. And when Will needed to rant Aiden was an excellent listener. Even trying to offer advice or knowing when Will just needed to let off some steam. If there was anyone he was okay with sharing a house with it was Aiden.

 

Until Aiden decided to stop flirting with anything that moved and settled all his attention on . . . _Nigel._ Will mentally hissed the name. Now, he didn’t have a problem with Nigel. Well, not _too_ much of a problem with him. Sure, the guy was twice Aiden’s age. And he seemed scummy—like, not on the right side of the law kind of stuff. He cursed too much. And he was definitely an asshole.

 

Other than that, Will had no problem with him.

 

It was how utterly unbearable they were _together_ that was driving Will up a wall. And from the moment they met, they always seemed to be together. Or as close as they could be for as much time as possible. Holding hands, kissing, constantly making out. Going on dates. Worrying Will with how late Aiden would be out and doing who knows what, besides sex, with a criminal! Which made him nag Aiden and made Aiden reassure him that he could handle himself, it was his life to live, and then all of that dissolving into a fight when he’d question Aiden’s choices. As if that wasn’t energy-draining enough and annoying beyond belief, seeing Aiden being lovey-dovey was irritating and jealousy-inducing. Not that he was into public displays of affection. Especially public groping. It’d just be nice to have someone that into him. And seeing a nice relationship being flashed in his face constantly was depressing.

 

Worse than the relationship woes or Aiden’s romantic endeavors was how they talked to each other. Sickeningly sweet nicknames like _gorgeous_ or _sweetheart_ or _hunnybunny_ or _fuzzywuzzy._ Compliments, _so_ many compliments. Fights that ended in, like, two seconds. With more time spent apologizing and making up than how long the fight had lasted in the first place! Sexual innuendos that they thought were clever but were just really frickin’ stupid and obvious. Always so lovingly wrapped up and involved in each other. The honeymoon period in a relationship shouldn’t last so long! It was enough to make Will want to gag. He longed for the day they grew sick of each other and became a bitter couple like nature intended.

 

Will shot another Look at Aiden and his younger brother gave him a smile that somehow managed to both be apologetic and completely _un_ apologetic. The expression dripped ‘fool in love.’ As if to say ‘I’m sorry, bro, but love’s a hell of a drug!’

                          

“I gotta go. I’m annoying Will.” Aiden blinked a few times at the response he got before giving a stern expression. “Careful what you say, _darling_ ,” Even in his annoyance, Will couldn’t help the snicker that shot out of him at hearing Aiden mimic Nigel’s accent. “That’s my brother you’re talking about.”

 

He paused, listening, before he continued, “Yeah, he’s a pain in the ass . . .” Will bristled at that. “But, he’s my pain in the ass. And I’m his pain in the ass. That’s how the brother stuff works, Nigel.”

 

Whatever the Romanian said next made a light blush spread over Aiden’s cheeks and brought back out that dopey grin. “Well, you’re a _different_ kind of pain in the ass and you know that.” He laughed and twirled a curl around his finger, a habit  Aiden had whenever he was lost in thought or was being coy. “Stooop! We can talk about that later~ Nigel, I don’t wanna pop a boner right now. No, I did _not_ say that to put images in your head. Well . . . okay, maybe a little.”

 

Aaaannndddd, there they went again. It wasn’t that Will didn’t appreciate Aiden’s effort, it was just always so damn ineffective.

 

“Hmm? Oh yeeeaaah? What are you going to do about it? You’re all the way over there and I’m all the way over here on my lonesome. Sounds like a bunch of talk to me, babe~”

 

Seriously, Aiden’s phone bill had to be through the roof from how much damn talking they did.

 

“Put your money where your mouth is. Then again . . . I have something else I’d like to put in your mouth~” Laughter bubbled out of him and Will could even hear laughter from the other end of the phone.

 

So. Fucking. Clever.

 

Will slouched down, rubbing a hand over his face, seriously contemplating the pros and cons of ripping his ears out. It had been a good run on hearing. Up until the end.

 

“All right, big boy, save some for later. Hey, don’t muffle I heard that! Someone’s calling for you. Don’t blow them off! See? You have to go, I have to go. The universe is trying to tell us something.”

 

Without ears, he could avoid so many annoying people. It wouldn’t do shit for his empathy problem but being able to ignore everyone and blame it on being deaf had a certain appeal.

 

“You can’t fuck the universe~ It’s too big. I know you’re big, but that’s, like, _big_ big.”

 

Or, maybe, instead of that, he could just kill his brother.

 

“Huh. I guess the universe _could_ fuck itself. Do you think it would plow Uranus or is that too obvious?”

 

No one would have to know.

 

“No, the universe can fight me. Your anus is aaallll mine, schnookums.”

 

He could say Aiden ran off with Nigel and dropped out of school. Everyone would buy that. They’d call it _romantic._

 

“I love you, too. Now hang up the phone. What? I’m not gonna hang up, you hang up!”

 

Nigel would annoy the shit out of him, asking questions, if Aiden disappeared, though. It’d be too cruel to tell him Aiden dropped him flat. Maybe. No, Will was sure even that wouldn’t stop the persistent fuck. He’d have to kill him, too. Then they’d be together again. That was still romantic, right?

 

“I can’t hang up! I want to keep talking to you~ I know what I said, but there’s a difference between what I want to happen and what needs to happen. Oh, just end it. I can’t, I can’t!”

 

Nigel, he had to admit, did have the advantage. More experience, stronger, faster. Access to guns. Connections. God _dammit._ But, he was scrappy! He could definitely do some damage before dying. And, hell, as long as he got his swings in dying didn’t sound so bad in comparison to the nightmare he was currently living.

 

“You’re so mean! I’m going to do it. I’m gonna hang up. Get ready for it. It’s happening . . . I know I’m still here! Shut up!”

 

It all really came down to: is it even worth the effort? And the answer, unfortunately, was no. No, Will did not have the energy to devote to a murder spree. He had exams to focus on. And he loved his brother. Yes. He did.

 

“How ‘bout we both agree to hang up on three?”

 

So much love. Nothing but love.

 

“1 . . .”

 

No anger. Just love.

 

“2 . . .”

 

So much of it he could barely contain it.

 

“3!”

 

Silence. Blissful silence.

 

That was shattered into oblivion by Aiden’s whispered, hushed giggling. “Did you hang up? Me, neither~!”

 

That was _it._ Will jumped off the couch and marched over to Aiden.

 

“I’m not doing it. No, you hang up!”

 

Before Aiden could register he was there, Will yanked the phone out of his hands and threw it against the wall with everything he had. Satisfaction welled up inside him when he saw the offensive device break into pieces.

 

He locked eyes with Aiden, burning blue meeting shocked blue. “You’re welcome,” he hissed before stomping out of the room.

 

Aiden, with wide eyes, watched Will leave the room. He carefully, cautiously, reached into his jacket. Just as quietly, he pressed call and put his backup cell against his ear.

 

“Nigel? Yeah, Will says hi.”

**Author's Note:**

> Will can never escape. His only chance is to one day find Hannibal and stage his revenge. XD 
> 
> Also, I feel this must be immortalized: Whilst editing and reading this story out loud to myself to catch mistakes, I came across a line that almost made me die laughing. I feel it needs to be remembered. 
> 
> “ Will jerked off the couch.” 
> 
> Will x Couch forever!


End file.
